


haunted

by MunkUnk



Series: penumbra [1]
Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:01:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26064664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MunkUnk/pseuds/MunkUnk
Summary: Erik Lehnsherr reflects on the many times he let Charles down
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Series: penumbra [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892122
Kudos: 9





	1. haunted

**Author's Note:**

> very short Erik!feels kind of things.

There were a million words running through his mind.  
A thousand sentences running across the tip of his tongue.  
And all he could say was, “Silence.” 

The expression of frustration, confusion, but most of all hurt was on Charles’ face. 

And all Erik could do was glance over his shoulder. At a memory of a man, he had left behind a long time ago. Of a life he had run from, afraid to accept what he needed more than he had ever needed anything else in his entire life: love.

There was no one there.  
No one was ever here. 

Turning his eyes to the window Erik furrowed his brow, his hands clasped tightly behind his back as he gazed out over the cold expanse of the land. An itching in his fingers reminded him that he wanted to remove the helm that he wore to block out the one person in the world he desired to let in. 

The silence was all he knew. 

There was nothing to be done, nothing to remove that heavyweight from his heart. Nothing to bring back his desire to smile. There was no one here that he could hold when he needed comfort. There was no comfort to gain.


	2. infested

Things had been so much simpler when they had first started out.

Before all the others, before the responsibilities. Before everyone else had divided Charles’ attention.

Things had been so much _better_ when it had just been them.

He had been better.

Before the beach.

Before their views had split.

_Before the beach._

Before the helmet.

Sitting here, now, in this seat, at this time. Without him. In this life, moving these chess pieces alone. He could admit to himself that he regretted the way things had turned out. He regretted living his life without the friend who had helped him accomplish so much.

His chest tightened with the fear of what he would become (what he was becoming) without Charles.

(A man who had done so much for him. A man who had given him so much. A man he hadn’t loved the way that he should have, when he should have.)

Pushing himself up from his seat he took a few long strides across the room, and came to a pause in front of his window, waving his hand he used his power of magnetism to part the curtains and stood gazing out the window as he brought his hands behind his back and clasped them together tightly.

_CharlesImsosorryImsososorryCharlesImsosorrysososorry_ the words ran through his mind like a mantra, as his arms trembled slightly. His hands ached as his grip tightened.

This was the world they were living in. The world he had chosen for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just dont feel okay


	3. consumed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some times Charles lets Erik down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might turn into a series for real. idk. i'm just trying to work through some emotions.

“Things don’t have to be this way.” it was as if this were Charles’ favorite thing to say. As if they could go back in time and change things.

As if he would not have done that by now if he could have. As if he would not have done anything at this point to get back that which he had lost (destroyed). “You’re a naive fool, Charles.” Erik shook his head as he gently tossed his hands into the air, which raised the metals in the ground to the air, and Erik tried to smirk.

There was something in the way Charles’ eyes glazed over, the dead expression on his face. The way he was not even trying anymore, “Must we continue this, Erik?” his voice was much softer, much closer.  
And it took Erik a moment to realize that Charles had not moved his mouth.  
That familiar heavy weight of his helm was suddenly gone.

And that deep warm creeping feeling of Charles reaching into his mind was back. He was trembling as his hands lowered to his side and he locked eyes with Charles, “Get out of my head.” Erik hissed and Charles frowned.  
After all these years it seemed as if nothing was going to change.

If he were to fall here today, at the hands of his best friend, would the things he had done stand for anything? Or would everything he believed in be forgotten?   
Crushed the way Charles had crushed his ideals and his beliefs before the students could make their own decision.   
“Things do not have to be this way…” Charles repeated the words, as if they needed repeating. Erik closed his eyes, and he felt his muscles tremble as his arms came to rest at his side, his body beyond his control. His mind was shutting down. And for a moment, just a single moment, he felt Charles’s pain mingle with his own. 

‘Things will always have to be this way.’ Erik’s voice cut across the empty expanse of his mind, as they stood in the middle of a cold metal citadel. Nothing like the warm place Charles had last entered. That cold from the depths of Erik’s hear, all that pain and all the suffering had come to rest here. In the form of a sort of fortress. Some where he would be safe. Some where he thought no one else would ever be able to enter.   
And even for the coldness in his voice, the chills emanating from the floors beneath his feet (Charles curled his toes in his shows, because he could do that here. He could feel his socks bunching uncomfortably between his toes, and he wanted to cry). “I can take you home, Erik.” Charles whispered; half begged.   
There was some warmth left here. Charles knew that Erik was still in there, his Erik. And he hoped that he could reach him here and now, before it was too late. “Please come home.” He wanted to scream _You are not Magneto, you are Erik Lehnsherr. You are a man; you are so much more than your mutation. You’re a man!_  
His words would fall on deaf ears, and he knew things would never change.   
But he was here anyway. 

“You’re a fool, Charles.” Erik said as he stepped forward and raised his hand to cup Charles’ cheek, “It was never our dream.” He smiled softly and Charles looked panicked, “It was never my home.” Erik added as he turned away from the other man, “And that was something you never understood.” 

There was no reason he should become angry, no reason he should feel anything other than indifference to Erik’s words. But he knew that tear running down his cheek here had extended to the physical realm. The pain he was feeling was something that he couldn’t understand. He had never hurt this badly. He had never felt this emotional. This was Erik being Erik.   
So why was he…   
What was this…  
“I am so sorry, Erik.” Charles whispered. And as Erik turned to look at him, he saw the other mans expression change.   
He looked scared. 

“Charles… wait” Erik was a whisper. 

Gone in the back of _his_ mind now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not feeling okay. and this some times helps.

**Author's Note:**

> I am not okay.  
> I am using Erik to express my feelings.  
>  Because I miss my best friend.  
> These are ALL going to be very short. Some will be DARK.


End file.
